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{***}In July 1998 I was living in Lanzarote, in a beautiful small house near to the sea. Until that time my life there was boring and quiet {***} but everything changed when I met my friend Richard. I Knew him on the harbour, just in front of his boat {***} where he was working .{***} {***}

{***}Richard was born in Vietnam but he lived all his life in France. He looks like chinese people with straight black hair and dark eyes. He was in his thirthies and was {***} {***}n´t only {***} tiny but also {***} athletic body, which make him very attractive {***}. He was always working outside his boat{***} therefore {***}he was suntanned. {***}He seemed shy and not outgoing but also friendly{***}.

He spoke with everybody in a soft voice and always offered them good advice and help, so he was the most popular sailor on the harbour {***}.

{***}All the people thought that he was charming because he was generous as well as an excellent cook {***}. He loved cooking chinese food and sometimes he invited his friend for dinner into his boat.{***} There were {***}people from everywhere wich were talking to each others, sometimes {***} french , or english as well as spanish. Often we were sailing among the islands so he loved sailing and travelling. Perhaps the most striking thing about Richard was his appearence . He looks like a tramp, however he spoke five languages and was a good reader. He also loved music and played the guitar. I think he was a valuable friend who had a great influence over me, oppening my mind{***}. {***}

Actually he is sailing by South America. Sometimes when I'm thinking about him, suddenly I'm surprised with an e-mail from him.

(Written by Irene Otermin 3ºC)




Statistics

InstancesDescription
9Punctuation or capitalization error
1This text is not necessary
5Missing word or words
3Spelling mistake
25Verb tense
9Wrong word/s
2Word order
3Grammar mistake
6Well constructed sentence!
1Well constructed paragraph!
1Good choice of vocabulary!
3Paragraph not indented
2Misplaced sentence
Negative total: 62
Positive total: 8


Feedback (1)

Paragraph structure:
INTRODUCTION: The introductory paragraph is well constructed. You have given brief information about who the person is, and when and where you met him.
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: The second paragraph contains information about his life (where he was born and where he has lived so far) which would be more appropriate for the fourth paragraph.
PERSONALITY: The third paragraph should begin when you start writing about his personality (He seemed shy ...).
LIFESTYLE: In the fourth paragraph you have also introduced information about his personality, but it is fine since you relate it to his habits, likes, hobbies, etc. However, the last sentence (I think he is a valuable friend...) seems more appropriate for the conclusion.
CONCLUSION: I'm afraid you have not written a very good conclusion, since you were expected to explain in this case why you admire this person you describe.



Feedback (2)

TENSE: When you describe a person you know well or see often you should use present tenses. If the person is no longer alive or if it is a person you do not see any more, you should use past tenses. This is not clear from your text, for which I've decided to mark all your past tenses.